Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Soap in my eye and early birds which did not catch a worm
It's Tuesday today. Probably will be all day. The sun is shining and the birds are singing - so what? I am not in a good mood today. Went grumpy to bed and got up grouchy, not even the coffee tastes good. OK, I forgot it and now it's cold, and that is never the same. Went for a shower. Nearly broke my neck because somebody left her dirty clothes from yesterday next to the bath tub, so I had to trip and slip as I got out of the shower, Managed to get soap in my right eye and up my nose today, well, 2 parts of me will be clean now. It's especially annoying when it's the right eye, as that's the *good* one, the one I can see with, so it's like having both eyes closed up, which is why I stepped on the dirty clothes from yesterday in the first place. And because I was in a hurry as I was only halfways dry when the doorbell rang. Nobody ever rings my bell unless they need something, they've come from Telecom and want to sell me a contract which is even more expensive than the one I have, or they want to save me from going to Hell like the Jehovah's Witnesses. I always feel a bit sorry for them, they were persecuted under Hitler in the "Third Reich" and many died in concentration camps and were tortured. And the 2 old gentlemen who stand by the little bridge over the moat in our little township and offer their "watchtowers" are always very friendly, and smile and nod when they see me wobble by on my bike. But what the hell do they want from me at 8:30 in the morning? A postman bringing a pile of stash will be forgiven if he disturbs my morning ablutions, but these 2 bony, toothy and flat-footed ladies not! I only opened the door because I thought it was the postie. And there they stood. Very long and very thin, wearing pleated skirts, neatly patterned blouses and ugly, sensible shoes. I was *dressed* in a back to front pyjama trouser, a towel round my head and the other towel tucked around my upper bits which Newton has changed so much in recent times. They just stood there looking, smiling politely. I stammered out "Oh, I was expecting someone else!" They exchanged knowing smiles before telling me that they were there to tell me about my last chance to find a place in heaven. Sounded like an an advert for a last-minute trip - "Be an angel, come to heaven". By this time I was really getting mad, the water was trickling down my legs and making a pool on the floor, goodness knows what those ladies thought it was! I kept calm. "Ladies, as you can see, I am not yet ready for visitors, and would like to be able to get dressed in peace". "Don't worry," came the prompt answer, "We can wait", as they beamed at me with heavenly lights in their eyes. Well, it must have been the soap in my right eye making me especially ratty, because then I shouted so loud that the whole house must have heard it, "S*d off and leave me alone!", went in, and shut the door.After getting dried, combed and dressed I went down to the letter box to get my post. 2 bills, a catalogue with cardigans for ladies over 190, a furniture prospect and, wait for it - a copy of a JW magazine, with a little note attached. "Sorry if we disturbed you, we can gladly come back another time. You always meet twice in life". Ladies, not if I see you first!!!